The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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