i wish starbucks made bloody marys
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I intend to get homeless drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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