Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
