I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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