And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
