i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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