also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
