I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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