she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
