you mean i was at the winter classic?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
