You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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