From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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