The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
