no you cant smoke seaweed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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