so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
