It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
