We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
