How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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