K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
