dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
