This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pants are for mortals
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
