it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
