Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
