Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
