How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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