I like to think it a success when the cops are called
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
