I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
