but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
