I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
