My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
