Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
