Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
