quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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