I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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