Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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