Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
