my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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