did you get engaged???
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
