: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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