I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
