accomplished twins. life is a go
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
