the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
