I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
