he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
