Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
