I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
