i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
