Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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