I hate all girls vehemently.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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