If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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