you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Two words: nipple clamps
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