evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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