Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
