Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
