Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
