it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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