i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
