I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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