I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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