when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
