I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
