oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
