This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
