I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just google imaged poop.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
