ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
