I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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