Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
