My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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