She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
