By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
