I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
