cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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