yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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