if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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