awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
